I have been extremely busy and stressed today. I really feel like I almost had a panic attack earlier. I have been shaking all day and my heart has been racing. I seriously thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest as I was walking to class. When I was sitting in class talking about this huge paper, I felt naseous. I know this isn't normal, and I just know I need to relax and calm down and stop thinking about everything I have to do, but I can't. I have honestly never felt like this before.
The main cause of this is my group (of 11 people) paper that is due tomorrow night at 6 p.m. My friend and I are in charge of it and I feel like it's all on me. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of it than I think, but I'm just afraid that it's not what we are supposed to be doing. This class determines if I graduate or not and I am not going to fail. I just don't want all of it put on my shoulders if something isn't in it or done right. I'm just not getting as much group input as I would like. The list of things that needs to be added is getting smaller, but I still have a lot of work to do on it. This paper is 50 pages long, one person can't really sit and proofread the whole thing, so it's just a difficult task, and it's just stressing me out! This is only part of my problem..
I have three weeks of school left and I guess I'm not ready to leave. I have so much to do. I'm ready to leave as far as school stuff goes, but I'm not prepared to graduate. I don't have a job, I'm worried about making my parents happy. I don't know where to look, and I'm just plain scared. I know I won't have to worry about a place to live or a job right off because I can work with my dad, but I know he wants me to be actively looking for a job.
I have a few ideas but I really don't know what I want to do, and it's really difficult. I know my parent's aren't expecting me to have a job right out of graduation but I want to at least be started. I have only applied for one job and haven't heard anything back. I have one other application I am going to fill out but haven't had time or felt like doing it.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know that everything will be ok. I just have to remember my favorite quote.
"Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end."
So.. any advice on how to calm down and get through this without having a real panic attack?
I just wish I had a case of Senioritis.. then I wouldn't care... lol
Just to leave you all with something peaceful..... I wanted to crop this and play with it a little, but my computer is being slow... I miss my laptop :( at least it had memory...
P.S. I apologize for the wintery background on my blog. I will change it someday. As soon as I get all of the 40 other things checked off of my to do list. But it kind of fits for today since it's so cold/rainy!
3 comments:
Whatever happened to that relaxing music you told me about?
I'll give you another quote. It's a grandpa one: "No one will know the difference a hundred years from now."
Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?
Also, it's important for you to learn that other people can be trusted to do things, and you don't have to do it all yourself. They might not do it your way, but it'll be done.
I'm surprised I remember all these things, since I rarely use them myself.
elb- umm.. I don't know maybe I should try that again!
Aunt Maurita- Thank you!! That's what my dad told me last night- even three weeks from now no one will care. lol.. it's kind of crazy.
And the learning that other people can handle things idea has crossed my mind many times.. I've tried to not think that about people but from working with these people all semester I kind of know which ones will and which ones won't come through. Especially at the last minute.. but today is a MUCH better day. The paper is coming along really well and it's almost done! I don't even think we will be putting it together at the last minute anymore. :) :)
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